The best worst best day in trade chat ever, Rain of Fail, etc.

Getting ready to start Highmaul and crafted LIKE JESUS ON ADDERALL all week, epics for my warlock, epics for my healer, epics epics fucking epics. It was like Oprah came to my garrison and shit out iPhones and Michael Kors purses for all my toons. Everyone’s favorite things.

I’m at work on Monday and my phone lights up with “Trade Chat has gone wild” and this:


There were about a thousand other images posted that day. This was fine with me because trade chat is basically fucking Tumblr Live anyway, and if you weren’t around, you should know that for the first time I can remember in my over 1000 years of WoW play, Blizzard actually turned off Trade and some other public chat channels completely. Due in no small part to people posting entire loading screens in chat, and stuff like gigantic oversized pics of the ogre idol icon that looks like a pair of fat jugs. Reddit has most of them archived for posterity.


So I am sitting there trying to look like Miss Serious Smarty Healthcare Womans meanwhile swallowing hysterical laughter about ogre idol tits  because I am a broken human being.

Since it’s hotfixed now, I’ll say that it had something to do with linking followers in chat, and being able to resize and replace icons and item  links/tooltip display accordingly.

Okay, some inevitable complaining. Destro is not doing great with the AOE nerfs, but whatever. Ain’t nobody got time to learn how to play another spec and have to actually pay attention. I admit adjustment was needed; all right take away the embers from Rain of Fire but don’t then nerf the fucking spell by 60% too. Anyway, I will deal with it. But I won’t like it.

Which reminds me, Blizz. A little primer on Black Princes:










The one on the left: Raspberry Beret. Awesome. The right? Creepy little icky guy with no likability and a shitty hat. I rest my case.

Been working overnights and have been doing groups at odd hours. Friends are always around and willing to carry me through content due to my sparkling personality and grasp of the English language:


And then, after this whisper I slowly descended into madness.



Jesus take the wheel.

G.O.A.T. Thanksgiving

After meeting family/friends/etc on Thanksgiving eve, a bottle of Remy Martin Cru a friend send along was opened and then THIS HAPPENED.


There are really no words.

How to Gug’rokk for scrubs like me

If you are in a melee heavy group and are doing Heroic Gug’rokk for your fire core, this is how you do it. It looks dumb but it worked with a warrior tank, a frost dk, a rogue, a monk healer and a fabulous warlock.

I’m not going to explain anything but positioning and tips because the rest is your job. In short:


Basically, pull him away from the throne, it’s doable if you keep him near the throne but there is just the tiniest bit more room if you go toward the entrance, NOT TOO FAR AS HE WILL DESPAWN AND YOUR TANK WILL BE REALLY MAD I’M SORRY OK<3 I last did this like 2 weeks ago so my memory isn’t great. Whatever, here we go.






As ranged dps a DK is your best friend here, hello Grip of Fuck Your Couch. They can pull an add back to you or if they are not the tank and dealing with the boss, they can Chains of Ice that bitch, stapling the add to the ground until you can neutralize it.

If you are a DS talented warlock use your Terror/Doomguard here as he will also root it. If you don’t have the dps to pull it off you can use the Succy Lash ability to knock the add back before it gets to the kiln.  Destro save your conflag stuns and watch debuffs. Other dps use slows, stuns, all the things.

Melee just stay out of trouble and don’t bug with the add once it gets out of your range, pound out dps like we know you can and interrupt boss.

Purge/Offensive Dispel all the things off of him if you can, interrupt his Molten Blast.

Healers, dispel at like 4 stacks, seriously just fucking do it before we die. Act like you know how to play and triage that shit.

Ranged be on the add like you thirsty. They need to die YESTERDAY, its not a “when I remember to” thing.


MS Paint for life

My Terrorguard, Molten Core ’14. Also, Menagerie Level 2. And Stuff.

Even though I love the fiery dickpunch that is Cataclysm, I recognize its true worth in most raid encounters is limited, so I specced into Demonic Servitude to try it out. Well, everyone, meet Azzagram.

azzagramYes. that’s Azzagram. Like Asstagram. The new Instagram for Asses. So hot.

I digress.

I got a chance to run the Molten Core anniversary raid last night, also known as 4-CHAN THE RAID. I’m hoping every retard who thinks that 40 man raiding should come back does this raid and promptly realizes the absolute shrieking ineptitude of the average player and stops campaigning for full-scale 40 mans to be resurrected in any way.

If you haven’t had the pleasure yet, let me learn you.

Mentally place yourself in the worst Ordos or Sha of Anger raid you can possibly imagine, except instead of ten minutes it lasts THREE FUCKING HOURS, with 3/4 of the raid not knowing a single thing about a single fight in the instance, or even how many bosses, or the fact they don’t drop loot, or ANY LITTLE THING AT ALL except how to “pres butan 4 raidz lol” and end up with 39 other people using orange text. Then imagine of those 3/4, Some speak Brazilian Portuguese and have a language barrier preventing raid instructions. Some are mages who either a) don’t know they can decurse and insist you’re a bad for asking b) can’t decurse without an addon, which is not installed at the present time or c) are aware of and can decurse and won’t, because fuck you, and the rest are shaman who lust on trash. The remaining 1/4 of the raid are just normal folks who want a shot at a cool pet and mount and to loot their helm. If you plan on doing this, block about 2.5 hours of your life out and hope for the best.

All right, Menageries.

I got my level 2 Menagerie the other day after defeating the 3 mini bosses for the Pets Versus Pets quest. I will stop right here and say I made no attempt to formulate a strategy because I surmised Howl Bombing would work on these 3 and it totally did, so I one shot all of them. If you don’t know what howl bombing is, it is, in this case, using a Pandaren Water Spirit, casting Geyser, then Whirlpool, switching to a Chrominius, and then casting Howl (to put up the damage debuff) and then Power Surge for the kill. I either killed all of them outright with this strategy or came close, having to finish off with a Bite or a random 3rd pet, I think I used a Horny Toad for a 3rd in the Carrot fight and a Alterac Brew Pup for the others. I don’t even think it matters. If you somehow feel by me using howl bombing I am “cheating” or are offended that somehow I am stealing your strategy (as if that can actually happen, but yeah, I had someone think that once), feel free to go fuck yourself.

My absolute favorite part of the Garrison is now my Menagerie, as a random assortment of my pets marked as “favorite” will now randomly walk around freely and sometimes start following me. As you can see, here is my Blossoming Ancient kicking it freestyle in my Garrison. Look at him. Just look at him. Also look at that other guy.menagerie


More random thoughts to close.

Auchindoun is beautiful and I want to live there.

Why the hell do I have a War Mill. (I know, yeah, but right now at level 2 it doesn’t do much)

DO NOT WAIT to do Highmaul Missons, they will DISAPPEAR ON YOU

Either holy priests are completely fucked up or I’ve gotten every terrible holy priest in the game in randoms this past week.

Grimrail Depot gives me motion sickness and people laugh at me for it.

All Heroics are pretty awesome.

Here, have some words.

I hit 100 sometime late Saturday the 15th/early Sunday morning 16th; here are some off-the-cuff not too revealing of content comments:

Queues, holy fucking shit, queues.

We were able to get in without too much trouble Wednesday night before the launch and played until morning (at least I did, I had to work the next day and can’t take time off because I do not sit on a golden throne of diamond encrusted 100 dollar bills like SOME CERTAIN SUPER SPECIFIC PERSON who hit 100 Friday at 9am). I sat in a 4 hour queue after work Thursday and a 9 hour queue Friday (high pop server, obvs) so I said fuck it to conventional wisdom after that and marathoned the rest once I got in. I kept myself sitting at my garrison and active every hour even if I needed a short nap. I’d do something or have it done for me. What have you done to me, Blizzard.

Garrisons are more popular than Kim Kardashian’s greasy butt.

We have all become that person who logs in and sends their followers to work before you start your own day. Admit it. It will feel good to just let it out.

Questing is amazing. Oh yes getting my objectives out of the way qui–OMG A RARE KILL IT. 

I have tried my best to work through the amazingly fun and beautiful content but find myself continually (and happily) distracted by bonus objectives, rares, treasures, followers, etc. I was literally not bored for one single second from 90 to 100.



But seriously; pet wise I’m trying to TAME ALL THE THINGS as well as pick up the ones dropping off rares and found on the ground. I did a few of the dailies and just set up my Menagerie in the garrison so we will see how that plays out. The pet dailies so far (about half of them) have been pretty straightforward as far as forming strategy (i.e. just find a counter and you’re ok)  and I will put some videos together on them when I have time.

Level 100 Talents.


More later.


I’ve pretty much stayed subscribed  but stopped playing due to the time stresses of being a full time student, 12 hour intern shifts, being a good Mom, being an attentive girlfriend, and preparing to move to a new home.  I bought a brand new computer in anticipation for WoD, so my tentative plan is to come back casually with a guild I’ve joined with RL friends and look forward to regular content updates once the expansion drops and things settle down.

Stable Essentials – Emerald Proto-Whelp

We all have a few pets they are partial to, be it for looks, skills, or idle animations. I’ve selected a few from my pet journal that I think everyone should try to pick up. Today: Emerald Proto-Whelp

I get asked a lot by friends and guildmates, “Which pet should I get for this fight?” or “I want to level something cool, what should I go hunt down?”. This pet is always on the top of that second list. The Emerald Proto-Whelp is by far my favorite pet in the Dragonkin family.


The selection of damage reduction and healing abilities are absolutely brilliant in both PVE and PVP battles, particularly  against Flying pets, who do reduced damage to Dragonkin, and take increased damage from Magic attacks, of which this  pet has two. The Emerald Proto-Whelp‘s move sets are as follows:

(1) Breath, (2) Ancient Blessing, (3) Proto-Strike

(1) Emerald Bite, (2) Emerald Presence, (3) Emerald Dream

Now for the (as a certain guy likes to say about me) Pokemon Nerd-Math that I am so fond of!

Breed-wise, a lot of serious pet battlers prefer Breed#4 or the P/P version of this pet, and I tend to agree. From the      wowhead comments, user SirRoyas on sums it up best:  “P/P all the way. This guy is going to get outsped a lot, so P/S is a bit  pointless. Also, with it’s great damage mitigation and healing, the tiny bit of health from P/B is unneeded. P/P, however,  boosts the damage reduction from Emerald Presence and the healing from Emerald Dream as well as its damage, making it an amazingly sturdy powerhouse”

So, now that you’re sold on how completely awesome it is both as a damage and healing pet, you may be wondering, “Gimmick, how/where do I catch this majestic creature?” Well, that is easier said than done in a lot of cases, and everyone’s best friend, the Random Number Generator seems to play havoc with this one. Some have referred to this pet as the “new Scourged Whelpling” with respect to how difficult that pet was to obtain before the new “abandon and the pet respawns” game rules.

protomap The Emerald Proto-Whelp spawns in Sholazar Basin, Northrend, in the Savage Thicket, which is in the northern burning  forest-like part of the zone.

My personal experience in catching my first Emerald Proto-Whelp was back in 5.1; I had read the Wowhead comments comments on wowhead regarding people having success killing the drakes all around The Savage Thicket, so I settled in to one-shot things for a  while and wait. I killed a lot. And I waited. And waited. Killed some more. And waited. I’m tired and hungry…. Killed some  more… Waited…..ZZzzzzzz. Zilch.  I had no success whatsoever killing the spawns there; hours went by with no pet spawn  and I left to try again another day. After 2 or 3 of these sessions I ended up parking an otherwise unused alt of  appropriate level in the Savage Thicket area and just logging in every once in a while to check (FYI, I found 2 Unborn    Val’kyr with this method as well in their spawn spots). I eventually came across a poor quality one that I did stone up to  rare after several days of these random checks. Some do not have the luxury of the unused high-level alt, so in that case I  recommend you do periodic checks/camping and resign yourself to the fact that it is a low spawn-rate pet and you will  likely not get a rare for a while, unless you’re extremely lucky (or patient).

A lot of the commenters swear that the pet spawn is connected to killing the drakes, but this was not my experience, and as we all know, correlation does not equal causation. An equal number of users align with me in the comments as well:

“Can confirm with 100% certainty that clearing the mobs–aggro and non-aggro–makes no difference to spawn times.I work from home and can pretty much run around there non-stop when I’m on calls all day, so trust me on this.” – Wowmeds comments

Curious, I sent one of our tanks and my raid leader out to grab this pet this week; neither of them had any luck killing the mobs in the area to force a spawn. One finally popped up for my raid leader a while later, but he felt it had no connection to what he was killing or was not killing. Just random.

Fear not however, because this pet even as Uncommon quality has enough power to take the lions share of other pets out.

In conclusion, my recommendation:

Camp for a spawn, but kill things only if you are bored, I really don’t think this is how the spawn works. If you can’t camp, check back periodically or on a parked alt.

Try to acquire a P/P whelp of any quality; they do come in 2 other breeds, (Breed#8 or P/S, and Breed#10 or PB) so this is up to luck.

Don’t bother waiting for a rare, just use a stone. If you end up with a poor/common,  you can easily stone one to Uncommon with a Polished Battle-Stone  if you are like me and have absolutely no use for a mountain of spare justice points. You can also randomly acquire the green stones through battle pet PVP.

Try not to go crazy.

As always, Happy Hunting!

Warlords of Draenor Alpha – Datamined Pets, Abilities and Items


All of the usual sources have been hard at work this week datamining the just-released Warlords of Draenor Alpha client.  There were a few line items devoted to pets and pet battles in the initial alpha.

From Wowhead’s data:

New Pet Abilities –

Carpnado – Summons a frenzy of furious fish on your enemies, dealing 40 Aquatic damage, split evenly amongst them.

New Pets –

Old Cooking Pot – Teaches you how to summon Lil’ Leftovers.
Tiny Iron Star [PH spell] – A miniaturized version of an Iron Star, presented as tribute to the Shadowmoon Orc Clan.
Carrotus Maximus – Teaches you how to summon this companion.
Weebomination – Right Click to summon and dismiss your unusually small abomination.
Mechanical Toucan – Right Click to summon and dismiss your mechanical toucan.
Mechanical Tallstrider – Construct a loyal mechanical tallstrider pet.
Echo of Murmur [TEMP ITEM & SPELL] – Teaches you how to summon this companion.

New Pet Journal Descriptions –

Tenacious and terrible, the mighty Hogs slaughters weaker enemies without hesitation.
Both heads are equally fearsome on the terrifying chimaera, each capable of its own unique breath attack.
The dark wings will cloud and consume the minds of the weak, because they are just so adorable!
This massive weapon of destruction has been miniaturized for use in the garden. Moles beware!
Made from bits and pieces of vanquished battle pets, dark magic, and just a pinch of love.
Cute enough to eat, but not recommended.
The frost, sometimes it makes the carrot stick in the ground. Not this one.

Pet- Related Items –

Gloria’s Glorious Gliding Goodies – Contains negative calories. Allows a grounded companion pet to fly with you.
Savage Safari Hat – Huntin’ pets is dangerous business. Don’t go out without your hat. Savage Safari Hat – Battle pet experience gained is increased by 20%.

From MMO-Champion:

A picture of what the community assumed to be a Frostwolf Pup, as a possible counterpart to the Alterac Brew Pup.


And lastly, via @TheCrafticus (Jonathan LeCraft, Sr. Dev, Pet Battles):

Pandaren Spirit Tamers – Pandaren Air Spirit 2-Pet Strategy

The Pandaren Spirit Tamers are located in  four locations throughout Pandaria. In order to face the Pandaren Spirit Tamers for the first time, you must defeat Aki the Chosen

This video and strategy deals with how to defeat the Whispering Pandaren Spirit. The air spirit resides in The Jade Forest, at the top of Exclamation Point. You will need Wisdom of the Four Winds if you are level 90 or a ride/summon up to the location in order to battle this tamer if you are sub-90, or do not have Pandaria flying trained yet.

*This is simply a strategy I use to beat this tamer, I do not claim it “as my own” or as “original content”*

Pet and Ability Lineup:

Your Squad:

Emerald Proto-Whelp with Emerald Bite, Emerald Presence, and Emerald Dream. (Dragonkin)

Nether Faerie Dragon with Arcane BlastLife Exchange, and Moonfire. (Dragonkin)

Any leveling pet; it should be at least level 8 in order to take the hit from the Pandaren Air Spirit.


Enemy Team:

Dusty – Moth BallsCocoon Strike, and Moth Dust.  (Flying)

WhispertailFlyBySlicing Wind, and Wild Winds. (Dragonkin)

Pandaren Air SpiritSlicing Wind, Wild Winds,  and Soothing Mists. (Elemental)


The Action:

This fight is incredibly straightforward if you are using the Emerald Proto-Whelp. As said in the video, the Emerald Proto-Whelp can practically solo this on her own. The key to winning here is effective  use of Emerald Dream. I usually try to use Emerald Dream to heal up when I am around 50 percent health. Emerald Dream will put you to sleep for 3 rounds, wherein you progressively gain more health, yet cannot act. Try to have Emerald Presence up during this time, and during most of the fight, for a bit of damage reduction insurance. You can usually get through all three pets using your Emerald Bite spam and dreaming when appropriate.

If you lose your Emerald Proto-Whelp for some reason at any point during the fight, bring in the Nether Faerie Dragon. Cast Moonfire, and proceed to spam Arcane Blast. If you fall below 50 percent HP and your opponent has more health, use Life Exchange.

For your leveling pet, the best spot to take a hit is on the first round with the Pandaren Air Spirit. He will usually either cast Soothing Mists on himself (doing no damage to you), or the low direct damage ability Wild Winds.  Wild Winds stays applied to the active pet, so your leveling pet can go safely to the backline again.


More Details:

The Emerald Proto-Whelp is a wild catch from Sholazar Basin in Northrend. You can pick one up in the northern part of the region inside the Savage Thicket ( the giant flaming forest full of Proto Dragons). This pet seems to have some unknown conditions on spawning; there are a lot of thoughts and conjecture in the wowhead comments. My personal experience was that I had to periodically check for several days for spawns, and finally found one in common quality. Since the pet is temperamental about spawn, this is definitely a pet you would want to consider using a battle stone on for upgrading. The Emerald Proto-Whelp can be captured in Breed#4, or P/P, Breed#*, or P/S, and Breed#10, or P/B. Any breed is appropriate for this encounter.

The Nether Faerie Dragon is a Dragonkin pet wild caught in Feralas around the outsides of the Dire Maul dungeon and the inner courtyard before the instance portals. The Nether Faerie Dragon can be caught in Breed#4, or P/P, Breed#5, or S/S, Breed#7 or H/P, Breed#10 or P/B, and Breed#11 or S/B. Any breed is suitable for this encounter.

As mentioned above, your leveling pet should be at least level 8 in order to take their turn against the Pandaren Air Spirit.

April 1st Pet Breeding news


Warcraftpets has the totally legit completely real news on pet breeding in Warlords of Draenor. I don’t know about you guys, but I am pretty stoked for “Carpnado”. You can read all about these groundbreaking changes in the Warcraftpets forums.


WarcraftPets – Guide to Unique Pet Colors



This week’s community spotlight at Warcraft Pets takes your collection to another level by tracking down and documenting all possible unique pet colors. Truly impressive.

Beasts of Fable Book I – Ka’wi the Gorger (Post 5.4)

The Beasts of Fable quests become available once Aki the Chosen is defeated. The Beasts of Fable are boss pets located all around Pandaria, and are marked on the map by a yellow paw print. Each of these strategies work after the 5.4 adjustments to the Beasts of Fable questline.

Ka’wi the Gorger is a pleasantly plump purple silkworm situated in the southern Jade Forest.

*This is simply a strategy I use to beat this tamer, I do not claim it “as my own” or as “original content”*

Pet and Ability Lineup:

Your Squad:

Alpine Foxling Kit  (or any fox) with BiteHowl, and Dazzling Dance. (Beast)

Zandalari Anklerender with Hunting PartyLeap, and Black Claw. (Beast)

(the third pet is here for insurance due to RNG, most of the time your Zandalari Anklerender will finish the fight)

Amethyst Spiderling (or any spider) with StrikeBrittle Webbing, and Spiderling Swarm. (Beast)

Enemy Team:

Ka’wi the GorgerMoth Balls, Super Sticky Goo, and Chew(Beast)

The Action:

Open with your Fox pet and cast Dazzling Dance. This will ensure you will go first every turn despite the speed/breed of any of the other pets on your squad. Ka’wi will do considerable damage to you in the first 2 rounds. Cast Bite on round 2 to get some damage in, before casting Howl on round 3 just before you die. Howl will apply Shattered Defenses to Ka’wi, setting him up for big damage from your Zandalari Anklerender.

Bring out your Zandalari Anklerender and apply Black Claw, and then Hunting Party, which lasts 3 rounds. The damage of Hunting Party is augmented by Shattered Defenses (which is refreshed by successful Hunting Party attacks) and Black Claw and Ka’Wi will buckle under the pressure. You will usually have your kill on the 2nd or 3rd round of Hunting Party.

In case of bad RNG and the  premature death of your Zandalari Anklerender, use your chosen spider; apply Brittle Webbing and then use Spiderling Swarm.

More Details:

Any pet with the ability moveset including Dazzling Dance and Howl is suitable for the first slot in this encounter. All of the foxes and worgs have it and are easily obtainable.

The Zandalari Anklerender is obtained via a drop from Zandalari Dinomancers, which are located in these areas on the Isle of Giants. Their brothers, the Zandalari Footslasher,  Zandalari Kneebiter  and Zandalari Toenibbler drop from the same mobs. They are all cageable and available on the auction house if you do not wish to farm them. TUJ lists the Zandalari Anklerender between 200g and  500g on my low-med population server. This pet comes in a few different breeds, so if you are after a particular breed it may take some trial and error in either farming or buying. In this video I used the Breed#4, or P/P version of my Zandalari Anklerender. Any breed works here; it is up to your preference or interest as to which one you use. The Zandalari Anklerender is learned as rare and is available in Breed#4, or P/P, Breed#5, or S/S, Breed#8, or P/S, and Breed#10, or P/B.

Your third pet is only for insurance and is very easy to obtain; just capture and level any Spider in the Beast family. All of them have Brittle Webbing and Spiderling Swarm.